


But Maybe It Is Sadomasochism?

by ckret2



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, Post-Episode: s01e01 Pilot, what's the tag for 'we know you're dating but want to make you say it'?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:15:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22673131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ckret2/pseuds/ckret2
Summary: “Sooo. You and Sir Pentious.” Charlie tilted her head, projecting the most angelically innocent curiosity.Angel leaned forward, his arch smile wide enough to show off his gold tooth. “What’s that about, huh?”Alastor stopped stirring.Their faces lit up in glee.
Relationships: Alastor/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 231





	But Maybe It Is Sadomasochism?

**Author's Note:**

> I got an anon ask on tumblr that went, "Alastor: Do I know you? Pentious: Oh YES you do!! Charlie: Oh they fuckin’ Angel: OH THEY FUCKIN’" and like, there's only so many time I can reply to random Radiosnake asks with “hell yeah, right on!” so I answered with a mini fic.
> 
> Also the idea that Ally and Sir Pent are trying to be all covert and fake acting all disdainful when they meet and half the hotel figures them out immediately is hilarious.
> 
> After torturing y'all for three radiosnake fics in a row, it is my pleasure to announce that this one is _not_ in the same continuity as Cold Day In Hell. This is some random verse where Alastor and Sir Pent are in an established but secret relationship and everything's nice and nothing hurts.

Alastor’s new sort-of temporary boss and the hotel’s thus far only tenant, both sitting at the kitchen table, were watching him cook with smug smiles that had been stretched across their faces for so long that he was beginning to think they were challenging him.

He watched them warily. They were up to something. People shouldn’t be _up to something_ in his direction less than an hour after they’d seen him rip open a tentacle-spewing portal. They should be _terrified_ of him. Those were not terrified faces.

It was very unnerving.

His desire to find out what in Hell they were scheming finally outweighed his desire to look like it didn’t bother him. “What?”

“Sooo.” Charlie raised her eyebrows, grin widening, with an air of deliberate and calculated casualness. “You and Sir Pentious.” She tilted her head, projecting the most angelically innocent curiosity.

Angel leaned forward, resting one set of elbows on the table and propping his chin on his laced fingers, his other set of arms crossed under his fuzzy chest, his arch smile wide enough to show off his gold tooth. “What’s _that_ about, huh?”

Alastor stopped stirring.

Their faces lit up in glee.

He quickly resumed. “Is _that_ his name,” Alastor said lightly. “I suppose _you’d_ have to tell me what that was about,” he nodded toward Angel, “I believe he was after you.”

“Oh, come on,” Charlie said. “Like we didn’t all see that…” She half stood, paused, sat back down, and elbowed Angel, “You’re more flexible, you can do it better.”

“What?”

“The thing with his butt—”

“Oh! Ha, the—” Angel stood but kept his elbows on the table and his chin on his laced fingers, arching his back low and his butt high. He put on a bad British accent as he said, “‘Well, well, well, who do we have here?‘—Or whatever it was he said, I wasn’t really payin’ attention.”

Dryly, Alastor said, “Your impression is terrible.”

“I’ve only got two voices and the second one’s a sultrier version of the first one.”

Charlie pointed at Angel’s raised rear. “Butts don’t lie. What’s the scoop, Al? Sexually tense rivalry? Extreme sadomasochism? Tell us what we just watched out there.”

Alastor pressed his lips together. Their smirks didn’t waver. “Or we could keep guessing,” Charlie said.

“I could call up Cherri,” Angel said, “see if she wants to go grill ol’ prissyfangs—”

“He thinks surprise sparring sessions will help us keep our edges,” Alastor snapped. “He doesn’t try that nonsense unless he’s in a ship he’s already planning to scrap for parts. It’s nothing as… _bawdy_ as you think.”

“Okay, fine. It was sparring,” Charlie said. “We still want to know what _is_ your relationship status with him.”

“I just told you—”

“A- _hem_.” Angel uncrossed his lower arms and pointed at his own butt again.

They weren’t going to let this go. His gaze darted between them. Look at him, reduced to a subject of relationship gossip. Less than a day in this hotel and all Alastor’s plans to present himself as an amicable-but-aloof mysterious benefactor were out the window. “… If you tell anyone, I’m burning down your hotel.”

Charlie immediately stuck her hand out across the table to shake. “Is that a deal, then?”

Out the window and crashing into the dumpster below. “Oh, _fine_.” He didn’t take her hand. He wasn’t going to be stupid.

“Good!” Charlie sat back, chin propped between the heels of her hands and curled fingers pressing her cheeks up in a near heart shape. “But you haven’t told us what your relationship status is yet. And you _have_ to, if we’ve got a _deal_.”

Alastor’s eyes widened with outrage. Telling them that it was worth burning down their hotel over should have been confession enough, were they going to pester him until he said it _out loud?!_ He abruptly turned away from them, stirring furiously. The anticipation was thick enough he could scoop it with his ladle.

With his back to them, he grumbled, “We’re courting.”

Angel barked a laugh. Charlie squealed, “Oh no, ‘courting’! That’s so _cute!_ ”

“And we’re trying to _avoid_ picking up each other’s enemies,” Alastor said stiffly. “We’ve both got a strategic advantage as long as our foes don’t know what backup we have. So if this information leaks…”

“My lips are sealed!” Charlie swore. “That was the deal.”

Angel snorted. “If I outed _half_ the guys that’ve hired me, the city’s known gay population would, like, triple. I’m good with secrets.”

Alastor shut his eyes, fighting back a wince. "I could have gone my whole afterlife without knowing that.“

Oh, he was going to have some explaining to do to Sir Pentious tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> Original post available on [tumblr](https://ckret2.tumblr.com/post/190452584717/alastor-do-i-know-you-pentious-oh-yes-you-do). Comments/reblogs there are very welcome (as are comments here)!


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